Dive into healing from disorganized attachment with practical strategies, self-care tips, and insights on trauma in the newest Simple & Deep Podcast episode. And make sure not to miss the much-anticipated "Breakthrough Blueprint for Disorganized Attachment" - it's the biggest one yet!
#simpleanddeeptips #simpleanddeeppodcast
Next Steps
· “Disorganized Attachment Breakthrough Blueprint.” DOWNLOAD HERE
· Take the “What’s Your Attachment Style?” Quiz HERE
Understanding disorganized attachment is crucial for personal growth and healing.
Struggles with intimacy, erratic behavior, identity challenges, social interaction issues, and emotional overwhelm are common manifestations of disorganized attachment.
Recognizing the inner traumatized child is a significant step toward healing.
Creating predictability and safety in one's environment and relationships aids in developing a sense of security.
Self-reflection and responsiveness to personal, emotional, and physical needs are essential.
Setting clear boundaries and structures is critical for feeling safe.
Nurturing relationships that model secure attachment can provide valuable learning opportunities.
Trauma-informed care is essential in choosing supportive relationships and professional help.
Developing autonomy is key to fostering confidence and discovering one's true self.
Engagement with resources like the "Breakthrough Blueprint" can kickstart the process of self-awareness and healing.
Believing in your potential is vital to achieving deeper connections with your authentic self.
Your feedback and topic suggestions are valuable for tailoring future content to your needs. CLICK HERE
Questions to consider
1. How do you recognize disorganized attachment behaviors in your daily interactions, and what steps can you take to address them?
2. How do you create safety and predictability for yourself, especially during stressful times?
3. Reflecting on your relationships, how can connecting with others who model secure attachment influence your own attachment style?
4. How do you practice self-compassion and self-care while navigating the challenges of disorganized attachment?
5. Can you share a story of a breakthrough moment in your understanding or healing of disorganized attachment and how it has impacted your life?
Dive into healing from disorganized attachment with practical strategies, self-care tips, and insights on trauma in the newest Simple & Deep Podcast episode. And make sure not to miss the much-anticipated "Breakthrough Blueprint for Disorganized Attachment" - it's the biggest one yet!
#simpleanddeeptips #simpleanddeeppodcast
Next Steps
· “Disorganized Attachment Breakthrough Blueprint.” DOWNLOAD HERE
· Take the “What’s Your Attachment Style?” Quiz HERE
Understanding disorganized attachment is crucial for personal growth and healing.
Struggles with intimacy, erratic behavior, identity challenges, social interaction issues, and emotional overwhelm are common manifestations of disorganized attachment.
Recognizing the inner traumatized child is a significant step toward healing.
Creating predictability and safety in one's environment and relationships aids in developing a sense of security.
Self-reflection and responsiveness to personal, emotional, and physical needs are essential.
Setting clear boundaries and structures is critical for feeling safe.
Nurturing relationships that model secure attachment can provide valuable learning opportunities.
Trauma-informed care is essential in choosing supportive relationships and professional help.
Developing autonomy is key to fostering confidence and discovering one's true self.
Engagement with resources like the "Breakthrough Blueprint" can kickstart the process of self-awareness and healing.
Believing in your potential is vital to achieving deeper connections with your authentic self.
Your feedback and topic suggestions are valuable for tailoring future content to your needs. CLICK HERE
Questions to consider
1. How do you recognize disorganized attachment behaviors in your daily interactions, and what steps can you take to address them?
2. How do you create safety and predictability for yourself, especially during stressful times?
3. Reflecting on your relationships, how can connecting with others who model secure attachment influence your own attachment style?
4. How do you practice self-compassion and self-care while navigating the challenges of disorganized attachment?
5. Can you share a story of a breakthrough moment in your understanding or healing of disorganized attachment and how it has impacted your life?
Welcome to the Simple Deep podcast, where we delve into attachment stories and intentional living. I'm your host, Wysteria Edwards, and I'm thrilled to have you here with me today. We'll be exploring the depths of all of these topics together, sharing insights, and unlocking the power hidden within your story. Let's get started. Come back to Simple Deep. Today's episode is Disorganized Attachment, and we're going to begin with Tiffany's story, which can be found in my newest book, Waiting for Mister Rogers. She's a wisp of a thing, thin hair cut into a bob, pink and purple outfit that hangs on her gaunt body, brown eyes that have seen too much for her short five years. She's a foster to adopt, one of her fathers explains to me, but it's going to be a difficult road because she's Native American, and the tribe wants her returned as soon as her mother is clean and sober. The couple, Dave and Kurt, have already adopted Sarah, currently a fourth grader, and thriving, but Tiffany has been giving them a crash course in disorganized attachment. There's been so much rage. Although she's a mere 60 pounds, she manages to pull four doors off their hinges and punched holes in her bathroom wall. You should see her when she gets mad, Sarah pipes in. She gets crazy. We're doing the best job that we know how to do, but there are nightmares and tantrums, Dave explains, as I watch Tiffany coloring a picture lost in thought. Some days, she'll eat and be cooperative, and then the next minute, she's acting like we're out to hurt her, refusing to let us touch her or hug her. His eyes fill with tears, and I reach my hand out to squeeze his arm. We know that it's going to be difficult, he assures me, but you can call us at any time. I work from home and can be over here in like five minutes. I laughed. Don't worry, I'll take good care of her. I'm in your corner now. The next few months, Tiffany begins to adapt to our classroom environment without many reminders. Our days become predictable as she's eager to play with her new best friend, Sophie Lynn, with whom I partnered with her from the very first day. Sophie Lynn has this quiet, kind presence. Secure in who she is, she bolsters Tiffany's confidence and celebrates when she succeeds. She's an old soul and a gift as far as a teacher like me is concerned. Tiffany's quick adjustment has more to do with her friendship than my teaching, guaranteed. The two become inseparable and Tiffany begins to thrive. It's a reminder of what a little love can do. Each day, Kurt waits with his arms outstretched, scooping her up like a feather, and life is good, that there aren't mishaps here and there. Some mornings, the door opens and Tiffany is pushed in gently, arms crossed, holding her shoes, her hair still sticking up from her sleep. It's been a bad morning, Dave remarks. And I say, I've got her. She crawls up into my lap while the class dances to their Sight World videos. I rock her back and forth until I feel a relax and then I whisper down to her pigtails or braids. This is how we roll. Whatever she needs, we're there to pick up the pieces. It's lovely. Her small world becomes people attuning to her needs and proving that the world can be safe through each interaction. But around December, there's a dramatic shift in Tiffany. She begins to distance herself from Sophie Lynn, starts in small ways, her not wanting Sophie Lynn to sit with her during book box time or partner up during center time, and it comes to a head when recess. Sophie Lynn enters the room in a puddle of tears, and Tiffany refuses to speak to me, sitting down at the table in a stoic, and Disassociated State. While the other students go on to music class, I keep the girls behind so we can talk. I have the girls sit on each side of me. Tiffany's pain is transparent as she hugs her knees, avoiding eye contact with either one of us. This is where attunement comes in. Attuning to a child is imperative as you read what they're telling you and what they aren't. Children want you to know the truth, but are often unable to articulate it. Tiffany already considers both Sophie Lynn and I safe, but her anger is more profound and comes from a place of fear. Sophie Lynn, why don't you tell Tiffany why you're sad and crying? I urge softly. Why are you mad at me? She cries as large tears roll down her cheeks. Attunement is about entering uncomfortable places with a child and fighting the urge to make it better right away. I scoop Sophie Lynn to my side so that we're eye to eye. Tiffany grunts and buries her head into my side, not willing to talk. A slight panic threatens to come up inside of me. What if having them talk about this isn't a good idea? Why, after all this progress, is this happening? Why are we back where we started at that point of anger and distrust? Let me ask you some questions and you can tell me if I'm right. I ask her. Can you tell me yes or no at least? She nods her head against my chest. Do you love your friend Sophie Lynn? Tiffany nods yes. Did she do something to make you mad? She shakes her head no. Sophie Lynn looks up at me puzzled. Then it hits me like a brick wall. She's been in several foster homes for short periods of time and it's been over four months since she arrived here. She's getting ready to leave, I think. Severing ties to any attachments is far less painful than being torn away from them. It's a form of self preservation. I have a feeling this might have something to do with your heart, huh? I say into her hair as I wrap my arms around her. Sophie Lynn's hand rests softly on my leg and I squeeze it, but her eyes stay glued to Tiffany. Maybe you could tell Sophie Lynn that your heart is sad, and that you're afraid. My heart is sad, she says, surprising me. I'm sorry, Sophie Lynn says. Are you afraid you'll have to leave soon if they go by, I question. I always have to go away. Nobody wants me. Well, honey, that's not true. We do. Both Sophie Lynn and I love you. So do your two daddies and Sarah. We aren't going anywhere. I hug her close and Sophie Lynn scoots over to wrap her arms around her sweet friend. Here we are in my kindergarten classroom, a pile of people being honest and vulnerable. I love you very much, I tell her. I'm proud of you for telling us about how you're feeling. I love you too, Sophie Lynn says and starts to cry again. Her empathy is such a gift. After giving each one of them another hug, I walk them down to the music class while they hold hands. Helping a child feel emotionally contained is about remaining curious, open, and willing to receive whatever they need to tell you. Disorganized, attached children have changed me every time I witness their growth as they voice their fears, making lasting friendships, and kicking shame in the face. So what is disorganized attachment? Disorganized attachment is a form of insecure attachment that is layered on top of the two forms of insecure attachment we've already discussed, avoidant and anxious. It's the result of erratic behavior from our caregivers. The child's primary needs are not met because their caregivers are frightening or they're terrified themselves. The child may feel a sense of fear instead of a sense of comfort in the presence of their caretakers. So that really is quite the implosion for the baby brain. This person's supposed to love me, but they're either hurting me or I'm watching someone else hurt them, like in a domestic violence situation. This is going to lead to a lack of coherent strategies. for getting their needs met by their caregivers, and it creates disorientation and confusion about what emotional response is appropriate later in life. So children that have disorganized attachment, you're going to see a lot of different things. It's going to be a mix of avoidant, ambivalent attachments. You might see that the child has absolutely no excitement for seeing their caregiver, or they go way over the top when it comes to being close. They'll display contradictory behaviors such as reaching out to be picked up and then fighting or going limp once they're being held, especially like as infants or toddlers. They're going to seem disoriented and confused such as wandering around aimlessly and not settling on any activities like nothing really satisfies them. They're going to have apprehension or distrust in the presence of their caregivers and other people in an unfamiliar and even familiar environment. They have difficulty calming down after something has been frightening or disorienting or they will not match the moods of the other people in the room. Blue eyes in my book would stand there during a brain break when everybody was shaking their booties and getting all the wiggles out and then he would karate chop across the floor when we were supposed to be being quiet. or Peaceful. They don't know how to match the situations and it seems like a no brainer to those of us who can read a room or we have an understanding of physical space, of reading the non verbal cues of other people, but this is just not developed in the brain of a disorganized child. They have a heightened vigilance, so they're going to always be scanning the room, suggesting that they're in a constant state of alertness. This is their nervous system that has never learned to be at a regulated place. In the classroom, they're going to have difficulty engaging in group activities or cooperative play. They're going to have trouble in activities that require that they have to collaborate. or be distant and disconnected from their peer as they're playing. So when I'm wanting them to be talking about what they're learning, using vocabulary, for instance, they might choose not to talk to their partner at all. Or they might talk so fast and so over the top of their partner that the other person can't get a word in edgewise. And it's always unpredictable. They'll have overwhelming emotional outbursts, which can occur with no provocation. Their emotional regulation is just out of whack. They're going to have inconsistent responses to their teachers. They're going to be rude, disrespectful, or they're going to act like someone's not even talking to them, unaware of what is appropriate for a certain situation. Tone, speed, all of those kinds of things. They're going to lack focus. They're going to have difficulty concentrating on a task that you give them. And also, they might be preoccupied with things that they're thinking about, or they're worried about what's going to happen when they get home, so they're just having difficulty attaining. So people are going to think that they have ADHD, they're going to think that they have all these other things going on, when really it's that lack of focus has been wired into their brain. They're excessive about fantasizing and daydreaming. They're going to get locked in ideas about video games and imaginative play, and it's going to be very hard to bring them back to a place that's going to feel boring. It's going to feel too slow. It's going to feel like they need constant stimulation. We see this a lot in little boys, but just because a little girl is in the same kind of environment does not mean that all that chaos is not going on inside their brain. They're commonly misdiagnosed with things like ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorders, Autism Spectrums. It's because these outward behaviors and the symptoms of this disorganized attachment can actually overlap with the other diagnoses, making it difficult to really identify what's truly going on. There is a strong correlation between disorganized attachment and worse childhood experiences. ACEs are events that occur during childhood that have a negative impact on that child. Physical, emotional, well being later in life. These experiences can range from physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, or household dysfunctions, a family member being incarcerated, mental illness of a parent, witnessing domestic violence, and a divorce. All of those things can negatively impact the brain of a child. So to take your own ACES test, very important to know where you fall on that, that spectrum. And that is actually in chapter five of my book, Waiting for Mister Rogers, Teaching with Attachment, Attunement, and Attention. I will also link it for you. In the show notes, it's important that you know where you fall in this category. It's a very common misconception that ACEs are exclusively present in just impoverished demographics and communities. However, studies have shown that ACEs can be found across all socioeconomic levels, and in particular, disorganized attachment has been linked to higher rates of ACEs. So, this is because the inconsistent and unpredictable behaviors of caregivers often create an unstable home environment, which can lead to higher likelihood of experiencing adverse childhood experiences. So we know that If I don't have the tools, I can impart those to others. Healing has to start with us. Those of you who are listening to this podcast are showing the fact that you want to understand, one, what disorganized attachment is, either in yourself or a child, and two, that you want to know how you can go about fixing that. And that is the first step to us. eradicating, intergenerational trauma. Children with disorganized attachment may also struggle with self esteem and they were going to be much more susceptible to developing harmful mechanisms to overcome that, like substance abuse or self harm in response to those ACEs. Attachment is how we respond and keep love, but it's also how we respond and survive in the worlds that we're in. It's imperative that we understand that because these maladaptive. traits that we acquire worked for us at one point in our life. And we might not still be in that environment, but that environment is still within us. So it's up to us to have the courage to name it for what it is, to ponder why it's there, to articulate how we're going to get through it, and then to learn how to bless that through how we live the rest of our lives and show that we can be the ones that are resilient from it. We need to make sure that we are not passing on these harmful coping mechanisms to our children. and that if that has happened that we have to address it and understand it and then how are we going to work with it. Adverse childhood experiences are linked to toxic stress and toxic stress reshapes the brain. Let's take stress and break it into three categories. The first one is positive stress. Positive stress is part of life, healthy development, and it's characterized by those brief increases in our heart rate and mild elevations in hormone levels in everyday situations like meeting someone new, facing a challenge, maybe the first day of school might provoke some stress, or moving to a new place, or starting a new job. But those experiences are short lived, and they actually provide an opportunity for growth and development of our nervous system, of our brain. It teaches our children that they can adapt and thrive and build coping skills. And by having the emotional support from caring adults, it ensures them that that positive stress response is not going to stay elevated forever and it's not going to become harmful. Then we have tolerable stress, tolerable stress. refers to a more severe level of stress than what is experienced at the positive stress response. However, what differentiates it from toxic stress is that tolerable stress is still temporary and typically occurs in the presence of supportive relationships that help mitigate the response. So, this type of stress might emerge from events like the loss of a loved one. a natural disaster or a significant life change. Dad lost his job today and now there's going to be different things that change because of that. Maybe someone else is picking the child up from school. Maybe they no longer go to a daycare. Maybe they have to go to daycare. All of those kind of things, it's tolerable. It might be a little bit longer than temporary. But you still have people around you that are loving you, supporting you, and together we can get through it. Many hands make light work. And you have people that are giving you healthy coping strategies. They're talking to you about it. It's a hard time. Eventually it might pass, or it becomes the new norm. But because it's the new norm, you have people there that are going to help you with it. So it doesn't stay chronic. It doesn't stay un or unmentioned. Then we get to toxic stress and we are seeing that this is a major component that makes ACEs more deadly later in life. Toxic stress stands in stark contrast to the positive and the tolerable stress responses. It occurs when a child experiences strong, frequent, and or prolonged adversity without adequate adult support. Now, some people might say, but there's an adult there. But is the child getting enough of the good things that they need? This might include exposure to physical or emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance abuse or mental illness, and other severe hardships like poverty, discrimination, and family instability. It's excessive activation of our stress response. System. So I'm talking about the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response that we have innately in our body to keep us safe. It is the reptilian part of our brain. It is the first thing that develops and it's there just to keep us alive. So if we stay in a heightened state of our stress response, we are not able to fully engage with our life. We are always going to be working from this wound. This is how we will see life. We will always be looking for a confirmation that we are safe or that people are out to get us. If you think everything is a saber toothed tiger, that's all you're looking for. That's all you see. And that's concerning because a child that comes into your care that has that only sees people as people that are going to hurt them, manipulate them, abuse them, neglect them. So that is where we have to rewire the brain of a child with disorganized attachment. If they didn't have enough or adequate support, we start filling that bucket. And instead of worrying about all the different facets, we look at what does a child need to feel secure. And we continue to pour into that because it's possible and that's what's so beautiful about the brain is that it is possible. Excessive activation of the stress response actually disrupts the development of the brain, like I said, the architecture of it, and it also disrupts organ systems and increases the risk of stress related diseases, cognitive impairments, all the way into our adulthood is the stress is unrelenting and the child does not have access to supported, secure relationships. The effects can be damaging and long lasting. In fact, that critical identity process is part of our stress response too. The more that we intervene with this very early in life, that's why it's so cool to be a kindergarten teacher because of the fact that That's the beginning of their school career versus the end. But if we started doing this when they're babies and they're in our daycares, when they are in our preschools and our co ops, there's less damage. But it comes with adults deciding they want to be well. Think about this, if I have a disorganized nervous system and I'm trying to take care of a child, What is going to be received from me to them? Disorganization. So we can pretend for at least so long, but there's stuff going on that we can't even send. And it's in our reactions and our under reacting to things, that sort of thing. Strategies for supporting these children in our lives. We have to build trust through consistency and predictability. Children with disorganized attachment will struggle to trust people due to their past experiences. And it's going to get so frustrating because you're going to be like, I have never shown this child that I'm not going to show up. But guess what? Other people have. So you are rewriting history. You are rewriting all of those negative experiences. And we have to trust what neuroscience has proven over time. that those pathways will be created through positive reinforcement. The next one is we validate their emotions. It is absolutely essential to acknowledge and validate a child's emotions regarding whatever they choose to tell you. Even if it seems overwhelming or difficult, this helps them to be heard and understood. And it can be especially important for children with disorganized attachment. First, we need to let them know that there is such a thing as having a voice. Two, it's okay to use it. 3. This is how to use it. 4. This is the way you say what you need. Your voice matters to me. I will listen. And if you have to tell me several times, I will still be here. You're going to use positive reinforcements. And this is not a silly bribery system. This is an actual process of explaining to them. And instead of focusing on their negative behaviors or focusing on those positive things, to encourage them and reinforce the desired behaviors that you want to see. Dr. Karen Purbis has a wonderful system that she created, the Trust Based Relational Interventions, and it's all based on children from hard places, foster children, children who have been tossed around by people as if they are property. They have been discarded and so they do not feel as though they have any self worth. So she talks about ways to positively reinforce but also give them boundaries because discipline is love. So when we have children from hard places, it's super important that we don't just think everything is permissible. Because that's not the world we live in. They don't get to just go do whatever they want. Even if they're cute, and even if they're five, and even if you feel sad because they've had so many things wrong, you still have to be that place that is firm, that is kind, but it does not waver. It does not sway. with whatever the child is feeling in the moment because they absolutely have not had any stability or consistency. Seek professional help. Children with disorganized attachment are going to need specific types of attachment repair therapy. And you can also be traumatized, secondary trauma, by working with children who don't know how to love well. They are not going to constantly feed you and fill your bucket and make you feel valuable. They are going to be the hardest children you've ever loved. It'll be the most rewarding, but it's gut wrenching. And my little blue eyed boy is the worst at loving people back because he is so frightened of it because love is scary stuff. Love and vulnerability opens me up to whatever you want to do to me, whatever you want to take from me. Dr. Karen Purvis wrote a book called The Connected Child and they've gone on to write The Connected Parent, but The Connected Child is a phenomenal tool when it comes to looking at the basics of what you need to do with children who have disorganized attachment. One of them is, give me your eyes, making sure that they're looking you in the eyes because they are going to be really struggling with things like eye content, touch to touch, kind eyes, being able to receive kind gazes. If I did that with Blue Eyes, he'd be like, what? What did I do? Like, he would get very defensive when I looked at him kindly because it's scary to them. Most of the time when eyes were on them, it was to reprimand or scream or abuse. So, they don't want your eyes on them because what happens next could be more frightening. Also, the work of Dr. Dan Siegel, he's a pioneer with his whole idea of or interpersonal neurobiology. And it's a profound contribution because it's talking about how our brains and relationships interact with each other and shape each other. And by empowering the children in our care and us as adults, we can have the tools to understand how our thoughts and our feelings influence what we do and what happens to our brain when it's dysregulated. All of those kind of things. There's such great tools that. weren't available 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago. Trauma comes along and it cuts our coherent story into parts and pieces. Just because life has continued forward for this child does not mean that parts of this child or us, if we have disorganized attachment, aren't left behind in a story without an empathetic witness. When we're dealing with children, it's our duty to hold space for this. giving them the tools and the resources necessary to aid in their healing and understanding of these beautiful, hard, crazy things in this world. But often our steady presence alone speaks volumes to their nervous system. I can't tell you how many times when a child that is disoriented, dysregulated, or disorganized, if I sit beside them and I just sit, It completely takes care of so many things, because they know, okay, I'm feeling sad, but obviously Mrs. Edwards does not think that I'm a horrible person because I'm sad, she's not angry that I'm sad, she's here to help me when I'm ready. So many things in life are so much easier when someone we love is just with us. I'm right here. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Dr. Peter Levine poignantly captured this when he said, The bodies of traumatized children strive towards recovery and the soul is yearning for joy. All it requires is an empathetic witness. and a safe sanctuary for healing. The presence of a caring and supportive adult can be the cornerstone of a child's entire journey from the darkness of drama to the light of recovery. During his MVP speech for the 2013 2014 season, Kevin Durant concluded with the following words to his mother, and last, my mom, I don't think you know what you did. You had my brother when you were th 18 years old, 3 years later I came out, the odds were stacked against us, single parent with 2 boys by the time you were 21 years old, everybody told us that we were supposed to not be there. We moved from apartment to apartment by ourselves, one of the best memories I had is when we moved into our first apartment, no bed. No furniture, and we just all sat in the living room and hugged each other. We thought we made it. When something good happens to you, I don't know about you guys, but I tend to look back to what brought me here. You, waking me up in the middle of the night in the summertime, making me run up a hill, making me do push ups, screaming at me from the sideline at my games at eight or nine years old. We weren't supposed to be here. You made us believe. You kept us off the street. You put clothes on our backs, food on the table. When you didn't eat, you made sure we ate. You went to sleep hungry. You sacrificed for us. You're the real MVP. Disorganized attachment can affect various aspects of life, often appearing disconnected from its origins. Here are five manifestations that you're going to see as an adult if you have disorganized attachment. You're going to struggle with intimacy, having difficulty forming close relationships due to a mix of fear and a desire for attachment. There's going to be erratic behavior somewhere. It's unpredictable, your responses to stress are going to be hard, you're going to range from aggression to passivity, and you're going to cause confusion with the other people that you're interacting with. They're going to say, I don't know what I'm getting with you. I don't know how you're going to react. You're going to have identity challenges, fluctuating self images. It's going to impact your self esteem and your sense of belonging. You're going to have social interaction issues, trouble with interpersonal relations, you're going to have trouble reading social cues, and it's going to result in a lot of awkward interactions with people. Emotional overwhelm. You're going to have intense emotional reactions that are disproportionate to the situations, posing challenges in emotional regulation. You're probably going to have to apologize a lot. Or you're going to lose relationships, you might have lost jobs, you might have been reprimanded. So I want you to take a moment to recognize one fundamental Simple Deep truth. What helps a child with disorganized attachment is also going to be beneficial for you. Why? Because within you, traces of a traumatized child are still there. That little girl is still within you. Children with disorganized attachment have deep needs that require patience, understanding, and consistent care. And so do you. This signifies a promising phase of healing for you, offering you a chance to rediscover and nurture neglected parts of yourself. Despite feeling inherently self absorbed, continue on this journey of self care and growth because you deserve it. And this is the way you're going to do it. The first one is you're going to create predictability and safety for yourself. I want you to ask yourself, how can you create predictable, stable environments that provide a sense of safety to you? Because at one time, you were living in chaos and fear. Can you be responsive to yourself? Emotionally? Physically? Can you learn to read the cues that your body and your stress levels are giving you? Can you be sensitive to yourself? Can you learn to recognize that all of your behaviors are a response or a reaction? And many of them have underlying trauma and attachment issues. How will you set clear boundaries? and structure to help you feel emotionally and physically safe. Are you living with someone who makes you feel terrorized? What steps could you take? How can you nurture relationships with others so that you can be with people that model secure attachment to you and learn from them? Start with one friend or a trusted therapist or life coach and give yourself lots of grace and kindness along the way. You're going to make mistakes. You don't know how to do this yet. Don't get angry when it doesn't come naturally. Trauma informed care is so important, especially the people that you choose to work with, so that they understand and truly value the process of repairing your attachment and your trauma. Where are those opportunities for your empowerment? I encourage you to develop autonomy so that you can foster your confidence and grow your truest self. Not who trauma says you are or who others told you you are going to be, but who you are. To help you get started on this process, we've created the largest breakthrough blueprint yet for disorganized attachment. This breakthrough blueprint is available for you to download for free in the show notes, wherever you're listening, and on our website at wysteriaedwards. com. The breakthrough blueprint contains 60 diverse tips. You can choose where you want to start. It doesn't go in any specific order, but what is most important is that you have to believe in your boundless potential to go deeper and connect with your authentic self. It's not a replacement for professional therapy or guidance, but it serves as an opportunity to just start that process of self awareness and self love. Here at Simple Deep, we're dedicated to providing support through this podcast. Resources and our advice to you through courses and other such tools. We need your feedback. There's a link in the show notes as well where you can drop in your ideas of what topics that you'd like to have covered here in relation to attachment, attunement, intention, and your truest self and identity. Until next time, take care of yourself. You are important. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Simple Deep Podcast. I hope that you enjoyed our conversation. and found it enlightening and empowering. Remember, by understanding attachment, engaging your story, and living intentionally, we can transform our lives. Feel free to reach out with any questions you might have. And remember, until next time, take care of yourself, because you are important.